Smallville Hostage Review

The secrets of the Book of Rao and the Red Queen begin to unravel



The episode begins with Clark Kent punching through the walls of his house. Subtle. He's on the phone with Chloe Sullivan who is trying to help him search for the Book of Rao, which was hidden by Jor-El's clone back in the episode "Kandor". Yeah, maybe Chloe should have actually TOLD Clark about this earlier in the season, but of course she didn't. Later her defense will be slightly justified, but nevertheless, it won't explain why SHE didn't go into the house and take the book when Clark wasn't around.



Well Clark manages to find an intruder in the house, who is in fact, Lois Lane! Yes Lois is searching through the house, likely wondering where her White Snake album went to. She tells Clark she's trying to get their jobs back and the two steadily shift their way into an argument when Clark says he's got more important things to worry about then their jobs. Eventually Lois says that maybe they need a break from their relationship. Just when you think it couldn't get any more awkward, Martha Kent comes through the door! She tells Clark she came by for a visit and she brought a friend, none other than her new boyfriend, Perry White! He walks into the house with luggage saying how Martha won't be needing much in clothes right in front of Clark himself. That's not exactly the first words you want out of your mouth to the guy who you tried to out as a super-freak the last time you came to Smallville, Perry.



After the opening credits, we find Tess Mercer inside the Luthor Mansion where she's locked inside her bedroom through bars and vault doors. Her captor? Maxwell Lord. Through some edgy and dark camera angles, he pulls a gun on her and demands to know where the Book of Rao is.



Cut to the Kent Farm, where Martha reminisces about her days on the farm and her late husband Jonathan. Clark says he misses him everyday and Martha gives him a hug, saying she's proud of Clark trying to help the Kandorians. Huh. You mean no stress, Martha? Your son is pretty much the only person strong enough to stop these Kryptonians from destroying the entire planet and you're not even gulping?



Lois meanwhile is talking to Perry, who she idolizes as a journalist. He tells her he's looking into a story about the Red Queen, while Lois is looking into a story about the Book of Rao. Perry manages to figure out they're the same story because the Red Queen is protecting the book and the two team up to make the story of a lifetime.



These guys say that every time they pull out their notepads! Tax hike? This will get me a raise for sure! Car accident? Page 1 material! It's going to rain today? I smell a Pulitzer!



Well Lois manages to talk to Martha later where she is STILL reminiscing and puts on an apron to get dinner ready. Here we're introduced to some of the most BORING dialogue in Season 9 so far. We've known for a while that Lois has enjoyed trying to make a difference with the Blur and "saving the world." But the crucial part is that before, when the actors put it into words, it sounded realistic and still exciting. Here, it's dry as the Gobi Desert. The actors are trying God bless 'em, but they can only go so far with the words without the audience rolling their eyes.



Outside the farm, Clark tells Chloe he's still unable to find the Book of Rao and Perry asks Clark to sit down with him and have a drink. Clark is at first suspicious due to Perry's previous alcoholism, but he insists he's sober. Perry mentions that Lois is working with him on a story and says that Clark needs to be with Lois just like he needs someone like Martha. He confesses to Clark that the reason he came back to Smallville is because he wants to propose to Martha and wants Clark's blessing.



Side note: Annette O'Toole (Martha Kent) and Michael McKean (Perry White) are married in real life.



Clark tells Perry he doesn't want to get between them, but that he isn't sure Perry will get the answer he's looking for.



At the dinner table, Martha is getting the food ready when she sees a man in the doorway bearing a strong resemblance to Jonathan. It's Perry of course, who is actually wearing the late Mr. Kent's jacket. Awkward. But why wouldn't he just wear his own coat?



In the midst of their dinner conversation, or lack there of, Perry inquires how Clark and Lois are doing as a couple. Once again, I cannot stress enough just how BORING and predictable this scene plays out. Clark says that their relationship has caused problems with them in the past when it comes to their work as reporters, but they've come through it.



No, Clark it hasn't. The ONE problem you had as reporters/lovers was one caused by your IMBECILE boss Franklin Stern, the same man who got you two fired. Clearly your relationship is on the rocks currently, but you have acted mature in equally being co-workers and love items.



Eventually they decide it's time to come clean, especially when Perry brings up the engagement announcement he heard back in the events of "Persuasion". Lois confesses that Clark and her were both fired from the Daily Planet and that she needs a purpose for her life. She then says maybe they don't need a "break" but rather a...you know what's coming...a "break-up".



So in just one day, Lois goes from deciding her relationship with Clark needs time apart to no time at all? So not only are we getting writing that's boring, we're getting writing that's rushed! I'm not saying this wasn't bound to happen, I'm saying that you should have picked ONE this episode, not both! Lois is a stronger person than that! This season alone has proved that!



After rushing out the house despite Clark's protest, Perry goes to take her home when Martha sees the pages of the Book of Rao sketches in his briefcase. She eyes them suspiciously while Perry drives off. Hmmmm I wonder why that is.



Hint...hint...HINT!



At the Luthor Mansion, Ollie joins Tess in her captivity where they're both tortured by Maxwell Lord. Ollie thinks that Tess is the Red Queen and Maxwell pops a bullet into Ollie's leg. Eventually when Ollie says that he once loved Tess, she realizes it's all an illusion and pushes herself out of Lord's mind control. She knocks him away and rushes off while Lord contacts the Red Queen saying that Tess escaped. He's then knocked unconscious by some weird screeching from the other end of the phone.

Later Clark confronts Vala who is apparently just walking through the streets doing nothing. When he tries to ask her about the Book of Rao, she claims "you killed my sister" and tries to speed off.

Oh in the name of Rao! How in the world did Clark KILL your sister? Because he allegedly let Waller live to kill Faora? Zod planted her against a windshield! Waller wouldn't have just been able to walk something like that off!

Well apparently the man who "killed her sister" is able to convince Vala to spill the beans about the Book of Rao. That it has information Zod would use to destroy the planet and he has yet to get his hands on it. Vala has just given Clark all the information that she would know about such a subject, and yet I remind you, SHE THINKS HE KILLED HER SISTER!



Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay...



At Lois' apartment, Perry and her friend everything has been searched through. Eventually Lois uses a phone number to a taco stand to try and contact a Checkmate operative and they manage to eventually get through to get a meeting with the Red Queen.



I'm sorry...WHAT?! How did Lois get this super secret phone number? Why does Checkmate use a Mexican restaurant as a contact booth? Why would this guy just set up the Red Queen with ANYBODY?



Well Clark goes to Watchtower to try and figure out from Chloe all that she knows about the Book of Rao, asking what's keeping her from booting up her high-tech wonder. Eventually she confesses that the reason she didn't tell Clark about the book and that she hasn't rebooted Watchtower is because she wants to return to the real world instead of Watchtower. Clark convinces her to boot it back up, saying that she's being a hero despite her thinking and he's able to figure out that Perry and Lois are headed for a meeting with the Red Queen.



At a coffee shop, Lois and Perry manage to see the Red Queen on a rooftop and follow her up the fire escape. The ladder breaks while Perry is on the other end uttering a famous "Great Caesar's Ghost" while Lois tries to save him. Clark stops a neon sign from falling on onlookers and then watches Lois save Perry. They stand on the edge of the building where Lois is proud of herself for saving someone like she used to with the Blur.



Clark however isn't finished yet. He stops the Red Queen's limo from leaving and demands to know where the Book of Rao is, but the woman pulls a chunk of Kryptonite on him and he falls down while she drives off.



So this Red Queen knows Clark's vulnerability to Kryptonite? I wonder who she could be!



Hint...hint...HINT!



At the Luthor Mansion, Tess apparently has the Book of Rao and is suddenly confronted by the Red Queen. She keeps Tess from looking at her with a gun in her hand and steps out of the shadows to reveal herself as...here's a shocker...Martha Kent! Martha tells Tess she couldn't possibly comprehend what it means to protect someone she loves and says she's only been trying to "save" the world because she wants something out of it. She tells Tess to never go near Clark again and walks away to leave Ms. Mercer in tears.


Perry and Lois go to the Daily Planet, where Clark and Lois' name plates are back on their desks. Perry says he was able to put in a good word for both of them with their boss, Franklin Stern and that was able to get them rehired.

So let's recap ladies and gentlemen. Lois and Perry have found absolutely NOTHING more on the Red Queen and the Book of Rao other than the fact that they've seen the Queen with their own two eyes. They have no story that they can publish from The Daily Planet and therefore the only thing they have to get their jobs back is Perry's word that the two are good reporters. So what does this prove?

That Stern, the same man who fired Clark and Lois for his idiotic competitition is an IMBECILE!

You fire these two reporters and just because one man says "Oh, kids will be kids" you slap paychecks back into their wallets? IM-BE-CILE!

Perry is on his way to Africa with a lead on the Red Queen. Yes apparently Martha loves her boyfriend so much that she's sending him off to be killed on a safari. She must have loved that jacket a lot! Perry mentions that he and Clark are even now from the events of his last appearance. Lois happily sits at her desk when she suddenly finds a note on her desk from the Blur, saying it's time they finally met.

At the Kent Farm, Clark is disappointed that Martha has to go back to Washington but says that maybe on her next visit she should lay off the Kryptonite a little. He confesses that he knows she was the Red Queen. Martha says she only kept the secret to keep him out of the line of fire and eventually hands over the Book of Rao to him.

Her gift comes with a warning however. Martha knows Clark plans to use the Book of Rao to find out how to stop Zod, but that the book has the power to exile all the Kandorians to another plane of existence. The catch is, ALL Kryptonians will go to said plane...including Clark.

Wait! Back in "Upgrade", Zod said that the Book of Rao knew all the secrets to the universe. So logically, the book SHOULD be able to tell Clark how to send the Kandorians somewhere and NOT bring him along for the ride!

RATING: 3/10